For some time I have not been able to write, the reasons are varied. With hypomania vanishing and a relocation which made cycling too stressful even for me, I lost use of my bike. Then lost fitness. Weight crept on and on and all of a sudden my love of cycling just wasn’t there. With copious complications with my bicycle itself and no trained mechanic to fix the most serious of them in sight, I nearly left my bike behind as it can’t be dismantled so easily now and is the worse for wear.
Health worsened, changes in medication occurred. Torrential rain and rust kept me off my bike, and until two weeks ago that’s how it was going to stay. Until I had a huge seizure that so nearly cost me my life -now I am back on my bike. It’s certainly true that the damage to the nervous system remains and that I do not yet have full use of my body. It is also true that my coordination isn’t there yet as if I turn my head, my judgement slows -just like it did when I fractured my skull the first time.
Overweight and out of shape in many respects, I will cycle into the center of Bangkok today and then cycle back out. Helmet being used? No, of course not but I will wear a bandanna. So why the change? How is all this justified when even as I type these words concern over what I am doing grips? Well put simply I lament losing hypomania more than I can put into words. At my fittest nothing could keep me off my bike, no distance was too great. I even cycled 149.6kms for an interview, yes. And I belted it there and back no problems.
So why the change. The jolt from struggling to regain full consciousness and not being able to walk or speak properly has changed matters. I took various hits as I collapsed and one must have been on the head because its both numb and sore in a new place, in a place it was never sore in before. There’s no feeling at all on the right-hand side of my head, its all gone.
It really isn’t pleasant to feel close to death, I can assure you but somehow it’s spun the handlebars around and sent me in a new direction. It’s as if I have a second wind of hyper mania because sleep is nigh on impossible again even though energy levels are up. So with impetus I told myself to revel in what I once had. I don’t put barriers in front of myself anymore by talking myself out of things.It’s back to the grind, push on, push hard and never stop pushing -that is the blessing that head injuries from cycling can give. So on we go but with fitness down I need two months before I can keep up with the traffic…
If I stay alive, I will be in a position to cycle north of the city along the river to Ang Thong, which I have been planning for some time now…well planning on and off. Before then I will post pics today. Not of me no. With a dead appetite and no ability to consume alcohol at all I may have dropped a kilo or six but there are many, many more to be dropped before I could even consider taking pics of my ugly self, anyway…
So, on we go…